Of Love and of Heartbreak
by Post It Lover
Summary: After seeing the kissing scene between Katsuki and Mizuki at a shoot, Kyoko's heart is shaken and she wonders why she is bothered. Little did she know that her defenses were crumbling and it was only a matter of time before it all comes crashing down.
1. Prologue: Of Kisses

Disclaimer: I do not own Skip Beat

Of Love and of Heartbreak:

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"And now, for the hottest showbiz news! I know most of the people in our audience know what the most successful drama in Japanese History is right?"

"Of course Akira-kun!' exclaimed Tsubaki Akira's co-host. "Everyone knows that it's the legendary love story between Katsuki and Mizuki, the drama 'Tsukigomori' isn't it?"

"WRONG!" The other host shouted. "Sorry Aya-chan but you are wrong! As of 8 o'clock this evening, the title of 'Most Succesful Drama' has been stolen from Tsukigomori and its rating of 46.4 percent, the highest rating drama ever recorded in Japanese television history, has been shattered by a whopping 22 percent, making the current record 68.4 percent!"

The audience let out a collective squeal knowing which drama the hosts were talking about.

"Whoa! It sounds like most of Japan tuned in on this episode in order to see Katsuki and Mizuki share their first kiss and to see Mio finally becoming their ally. All this hype and they haven't even aired the finale yet! Well then, Ladies and Gentlemen, we present to you, the most successful drama in Japanese history, 'Dark Moon'!" Aya announced excitedly as the drama's title flashed into the screen behind her. "Please join us in giving a warm welcome to our guests, the wonderful lead actors of Dark Moon, starting with the incredibly talented and gorgeous leading man of the show, the sexiest and most wanted man in the whole of Japan, Tsuruga Ren-san!"

The audience exploded with excitement and screams as Japan's hottest male celebrity stepped out and gracefully cruised into the set with his infamous smile. The introduction for Momose Itsumi was drowned by the overwhelming response to Tsuruga Ren's entrance.

As the two guests exchanged greetings with the hosts and sat themselves on the sofa provided, the audience's screams abated, and the hosts continued to conduct their interview.

"I know everyone wants to hear from Katsuki and Mizuki so let's start with the most talked about topic right now, shall we?" Aya looked directly at Momose Itsumi-san and smiled a mischievous smile. "The kiss. THE kiss between Mizuki and Katsuki. How was it Momose-san?"

Momose-san couldn't help but blush heavily and laugh at the question. "It was very good. It was expected to be very good considering who my partner is." she answered candidly as she offered a shy smile to her handsome co-star who smiled a gentle smile of his own.

The audience screamed wildly at the little exchange between the two, pushing the hosts to probe deeper into the Tsuruga-Momose relationship rather than the relationship between their characters.

"That's all there is to say about it Momose-san? As far as we can see from the scene in that episode you seemed to have enjoyed it a lot!" teased Akira. "What about you Tsuruga-san? How was the experience? Although this was not your first on-screen kiss, many people have commented on how the kiss you did as Katsuki was different from all your previous kisses. It seemed so sweet and gentle, so heartbreakingly sincere that many fans believe that you hold special feelings for Momose-san."

Tsuruga Ren picked up his microphone and smiled as he answered gently. "The kiss was something very professional and nothing more. I appreciate that most of you thought of the kiss as sincere and it is proof of how much of a professional actress my partner is." He finished as he directly looked at Momose-san.

"Such a good answer from Tsuruga-san." continued Aya, who seemed quite disappointed at the fact that there was no hidden relationship between the two co-actors. "Well then, before we take a break, why don't we show the audience once more the kiss of the century which helped smash previous record held by Tsukigomori. Lets watch this clip and then we'll come right back with Tsuruga Ren-san and Momose Itsumi-san from Dark Moon."

As the T.V. continued to blare on and show the controversial clip, a girl with ginger hair sat alone in front of the screen, silent, unmoving, wondering why that kiss scene shook her heart painfully every time she watched it. Holding onto her treasured blue stone, she continued to wonder why it bothered her so much, not realizing that that the walls she built around her heart were steadily crumbling and it was ony a matter of time before it all comes crashing down.

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Author's Notes: I'm very grateful to everyone who reviewed all my previous fics. This is my first chaptered story and I hope that you would be kind enough to review and tell me what I need to improve on. That said, please enjoy and continue to read this fic in the future.


	2. Chapter 2: Of Denial

**Note: SPOILERS for chapter 162.** I used part of the settings in chapter 162 to suit my purpose for this fanfic. I apologize but you have been warned.

Disclaimer: I definitely do not own Skip Beat. If I did then I wouldn't have shared Ren=)

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Of Love and Of Heartbreak-Chapter 2:

_The rain pounded and pricked painfully on their skin as if trying to remind them how much of a taboo their relationship was and how tough their commitment would be, should they choose to pursue it. It required a lot of acceptance and understanding from the woman and a lot patience and self-restraint from the man. But at that moment they did not care. Tsuruga Ren did not care if Hongo Mizuki was his student and vice versa. All they cared for was that they could not bear to have the other out of their life._

"_Sensei, I'm scared. Not of what the Hongo household will do to me, but of what they might do to you!" cried Mizuki as she shivered in the rain._

_Eyes softening as he looked at his beloved's face he pulled her to an embrace trying to shield her from the rain."Don't worry about me. As long as I have you, I can take the horrors of my past head on." Ren declared as he continued to hold her close. When he felt her tears abate, Ren carefully cradled Mizuki's face and rested his forehead against hers, gave her a smile and said the three words that Mizuki had always wanted to hear: "I Love You."_

_Under the pounding of the rain, they shared a passionate kiss._

Mogami Kyoko opened her eyes and found herself resting her head on the table inside the Love Me Section room. With an exasperated sigh, she rubbed the sleepiness from her eyes and stared blankly at the space in front of her.

'_That dream again!'_ she thought darkly, remembering that it was the thirteenth time that she'd had the same dream the past week and also remembering the prick in her heart every time she woke from the dream.

'_What is wrong with me? It was just a kiss? And so what if he kissed her? It was an act. It was part of the script!' _Kyoko continued to muse as she dropped onto the floor and rolling faster and faster as her thoughts became more confused._ 'Even if it wasn't an act! Why should I be concerned? No, actually, I am concerned for Momose-san! She might fall in love with Tsuruga-san! But why should I be concerned if she falls in love with Tsuruga-san? It's not like I own Tsuruga-san or something. I mean…I mean…'_

Kyoko slumped herself against the corner of the room, a mass of gloom and confusion swirling above her head. It was in this state that her fellow Love Me Section members found her when they entered their room.

"Kyo-Kyoko-san!" exclaimed Amamiya Chiori worriedly as she hurried over to Kyoko's side trying to shake the latter from her self-induced depression. "What's wrong? You're like this again!"

"Ah. Amamiya-san. Good Morning."

'_H-how lifeless! This isn't how Kyoko-san usually is.'_ thought Chiori as she returned the smile Kyoko had given her and handed over the coffee she bought for them. _'I wonder what the problem is? She's been like this ever since the last taping for_ Box'R' _when we saw the 'Dark Moon' crew at the parking lot._ _I wish I could ask her what's wrong, but I'm in no position to ask her after everything I've done to her.'_

As Chiori continued to silently debate on whether to ask Kyoko about her problem or not, Kotonami Kanae took the liberty of smacking her best friend in the head with her bag.

"Ouch! Moko-san!" Kyoko whined as she rubbed her head. "You didn't have to do that! I know you want my attention, but you could have just easily called out my name and I would have answered you sweet, sweet voice with—"

"Yeah. Yeah. Whatever!" Kanae said as she dodged Kyoko's attempt at hugging her. _'At least she's not as depressed as she was before.'_ she thought silently as she looked at her friend who was now pouting at her for avoiding the enthusiastic greeting. "Wipe that pout off your face before I give you a real reason to pout."

"W-well, why don't we take a seat first and have some coffee." Offered Chiori nervously as she felt Kanae's irritation. She pulled out a chair for herself and motioned for the others to sit. "We haven't been together like this since last week so we should use the time to catch up and not to argue, ne Kyoko-san? Kotonami-san?"

"Well, I already told you what happened on my assignment and it really was nothing interesting." Said Kanae as she gracefully sipped form her cup and looked pointedly at Kyoko. "And besides, I'm not the one who came back with this depressed aura, sucking in everything and everyone into her depressed world, so I shouldn't be the one talking."

Kyoko sighed again. She really had no idea why that scene kept playing in her mind and in her dreams. It really was a trivial thing that she was hung up on. There was no need to feel all depressed and make her friends worried but she just really couldn't understand why. Why? Why did she feel as if her heart was being ripped from her chest when she saw the shoot? Why did the scene keep on replaying itself in her mind? Worse was she didn't even dream of Ren as acting as Katsuki. She dreamt of Tsuruga Ren himself kissing Mizuki. Why?

"Kyoko-san? You're spacing out again." Said Chiori, waving her hand in front of Kyoko's face.

"Ah! Sorry! I was distracted for a moment."

"See what I mean?" said Kanae with a sigh of her own. "Why don't you just spit it out already? If it bothers you this much then, it can't be healthy for your body or for your career either."

As she saw the look of genuine concern on Kanae's face, Kyoko weighed her chances and decided that it might not be so bad to tell her friends after all.

"Okay. But please promise not to laugh at me or worse forge about our friendship because I made you worry about a silly thing!" Kyoko pleaded but the look of impatience on Kanae's face prodded her to continue. "Well, you see it's about Katsuki and Mizuki."

"Huh! It's about who again?" interrupted Kanae.

"See…I told you. You'd just think I'm stupid! And I've barely even started. I won't talk anymore!" said Kyoko as she folded her arms, cheeks reddening considerably in embarrassment.

"Oh alright! I'll shut up! Just continue with your story."

Kyoko gave her best friend a slow, apologetic smile and continued. "You see, it started last week when Amamiya-san and I were heading over to the next location for the Box'R' shoot. We went out of the mall and into the nearby park where we saw the 'Dark Moon' crew shooting one of the last few scenes for the show."

Kyoko fidgeted uneasily in her chair as she arranged her story in her head, trying to figure out how to narrate the root of her depression properly while Chiori and Kanae nodded at to motion her to continue. "It was the 'Kissing Scene' between Katsuki and Mizuki that they were shooting for at the park. I knew that it was THAT scene they were shooting for today based on our schedule but I didn't want to go in the set and interrupt when I was supposed to be at Box'R'. So I continued to watch from the side and then…and then…"

"Let me guess." interrupted yet Kanae again. "It's the kiss that's been bothering you all this time that you can't even look at me for five seconds without zoning out."

"Come to think of it. Kyoko-san zoned out completely after that and the only time she snapped out of her trance was when we arrived at the Box'R' set, when the director called for Natsu-san." supplied Chiori. "You seemed so absorbed into the scene that you didn't even notice me pulling you by the neck because we were almost late. But if that's what you're worried about then it's perfectly normal. You should have seen all the other girls watching the shoot. They melted like puddles right at the spot. Oh how scary it is…Tsuruga-san's power to make everyone fall for him that is."

Kyoko's mood considerably darkened once more as she recalled the feelings that seemed to shred her heart to pieces, the emotion that stirred inside her after seeing that sincere-looking, heartbreakingly passionate kiss. Somewhere deep inside her heart, she knew what emotion she was feeling after seeing Tsuruga-san kiss someone but she didn't want to recognize it. She didn't even dare to think of the filthy emotion that she felt because if she did, then that would mean leaving her already broken heart out once more in the open, unprotected and vulnerable to the pain of her unrequited feelings. Kanae on the other hand, recognized immediately the source of her friend's discomfort and managed a sigh.

'_It looks like she's about to graduate from the Love Me Section soon.' _thought Kanae softly. She knew first hand that this girl was very much capable of giving love. So much love in fact that it can even rival President Takarada. However, Kyoko has lost hope of being loved unconditionally which resulted in her incapability of recognizing the unconditional love that the people around her are giving to her.

"I don't even know if I can face Tsuruga-san! I'm ashamed of my thoughts! This just shows how much I lack in professionalism." Whined Kyoko, effectively breaking Kanae out of her own reverie.

Feeling pity for her friend, Kanae decided to intervene and help Kyoko out for a bit. "Well, why don't you ask yourself why you feel that way?"

The ginger haired girl stared incredulously at her best friend. "Believe me Moko-san. I've been asking myself that question every time I dream about the kiss."

"Well, what conclusion did you arrive to? Why do you feel that way?"

"I can't…It's not that! It can't be that…" Kyoko stumbled. "I shouldn't feel… I'm not capable of—"

"Love?" Kanae slowly supplied.

Kyoko's face twisted into an expression of unfathomable sorrow. "Yes… and if this is love I'm feeling. Why do I feel so scared? I'm scared of loving Tsuruga-san. Love should be a happy, light feeling capable of lifting you to cloud nine… but with him it just—"

Staying silent for most of the time, Chiori finally found the courage to voice out her thoughts. "Aren't you just scared then, Kyoko-san? Scared of not being loved back?"

"I don't even want to call it love. It's the word that I've decided never to use when describing my emotions." Kyoko said. "It's respect. That's what I feel for Tsuruga-san. That's right! I'm jealous. I am jealous of Tsuruga-san acting ability. Being able to make all the female spectators melt like that…I definitely am jealous of his acting prowess."

Chiori and Kanae could only look on as they saw Kyoko trying so hard to convince herself of what her feeling were not. Looking at her watch Kanae broke Kyoko from her monologue.

"I have to go to work now. You!" she barked at Kyoko. "If your feelings are like that, then shouldn't you act like a professional and work on concentrating on your role instead." Kanae made her way towards the door and threw her empty coffee cup into the garbage bin. "But let me tell you this. The next time you see Tsuruga-san and you heart twists painfully and you see the kissing scene in your mind, you better prepare yourself to admit that the emotion you lack has already come back to you." and with that Kanae left the room.

Chiori also rose from her chair. Although she has not known Kyoko for long, Chiori knew for a fact that Mogami Kyoko knows how to love. Her friend just did not want the emotions to back inside her heart for fear of rejection.

"Kyoko-san." she said quietly as Kyoko looked at her with sad eyes. "Please don't be afraid to love just because you a bad experience with it. Believe it or not, I already love you as a friend and it would be a disappointment for me if you don't consider loving me back as a friend. I'm sure Kotonami-san thinks so too." She said laughing to herself as Kyoko's face showed a look of horror at the thought of Kanae being disappointed in her.

"And Kotonami-san was right. If you see Tsuruga-san and your heart starts to race, please do consider letting the angels of love back in your heart." Chiori finished with a wink and left Kyoko alone to absorb their advice.

Kyoko heaved a sigh as her friends left still feeling overwhelmed from the repetitive use of the word she despised the most. '_Me. In love? With Tsuruga-san? Am I that stupid to fall for a person who would always tease me mercilessly and expect them to love me? Impossible.'_ She straightened herself and took her things from her locker remembering that she had to leave for a taping of 'Kimagure Rock.'

"Strengthen yourself Mogami Kyoko. You're a year wiser now and smart enough not to fall for the same cruel trap as love." She said and strode towards the exit, fully confident that she patched up her wall of feelings with her strong logic. As she went to open the door, the handle turned and the door opened to reveal the subject of her current confusion, the reason for her sleepless nights.

"Hello Mogami-san."

"_But let me tell you this. The next time you see Tsuruga-san and you heart twists painfully and you see the kissing scene in your mind, you better prepare yourself to admit that the emotion you lack has already come back to you."_

Mogami Kyoko, stood stock still, finally realizing the influence that the man in front of her had over her life. Without warning, her logic shattered and her walls came crashing down.

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**Author's Notes:** Thank you to the four people who reviewed the Prologue. I really appreciate you taking time to comment on the story. Please feel free to review and criticize the story and its structure but please do so politely.


	3. Chapter 3: Of Resolutions

Disclaimer: I do not own Skip Beat! I own nothing!

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Of Love and Of Heartbreak-Chapter 3

"_You'll be apart from him again for a while wont you, from Tsuruga-kun"_

"_*sigh* Yes…"_

Now I know why my heart felt so unbearably heavy then, when Director Ogata reminded me that I won't see Tsuruga-san for a while.

"_Uhmm Tsuruga -san…Is there something wrong?"_

"_Huh? Ah. Well, Kind of. I was worried about you Mogami-san. Have you prepared everything for tomorrow?"_

Now I realize why I was so happy that time when he called me and fussed about me.

"_I'm sorry…Just leave me alone for a while"_

I now also understand why I was so afraid to lose his trust and so afraid that he would hate me that time when he found out that Shoutaro saved me and looked away from me.

"_Don't worry. Corn has become a proper adult. His wings have grown and he can fly freely."_

The comfort and the security that I found in his arms, those warm feelings that I've never felt before…

"_Let me try this again…Happy Birthday Mogami-san."_

The feeling of happiness—so strong that my heart feels like it's going to leap out of my chest…

"_Don't let it happen a second time, Okay?"_

The feeling of despair at the thought of disappointing him…

"_Thank you. The Gelee Au Vin was delicious."_

The feeling of excitement when he's close—so intoxicating I lose all reason.

This man in front of me has redefined my feelings with regards to love. What I previously thought as love, where it should always make me feel light and fresh has been slowly broken and reshaped by the love that I feel for this wonderful man. My feelings for him have taught me that love can be light and refreshing at one moment but heavy and painful the next. Although there are things about him that I do not know, things that he would never let me find out, I am confident that I love this man—that I can love him despite him having feelings for someone else already.

Despite that, I'll still love him. But I'll love him from far away. I just can't let him know. Because I love him, I can't burden him when he has already generously taken good care of me as his Kohai. I'll love him from afar. I won't burden him with these feelings. I can't let him know…I won't. I have to act like usual…

"Tsuruga-san! Good Morning!"

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

' "I don't think I need Setsuka anymore Mogami-san"._ That's right." That's how I'll say it.'_ Tsuruga Ren thought firmly as he walked down the hallway, that lead to the Love Me Section. He spent the entire week debating on whether or not to let her go and came up with the conclusion that it was for the best if he didn't expose her to his dark self. _'I can't have her around when I'm playing a role like this. I can't afford Mogami-san to see me act like heartless killer. I can't afford to have her see me…the real me. I will clearly tell her that I don't need Setsuka anymore, but what should I tell her if she asks why?'_

Stopping in front of the room, he took a deep breath and steeled himself to tell Kyoko about killing off Setsu's role. He took one last breath to steady himself and opened the door. And there she was, hands poised to reach for the door. He was so surprised to see her standing right in front of him that all he managed to say was a 'Hello, Mogami-san.'

As he waited for her reply, he noticed her stiffness and silence. '_Something's not right.' _he sensed as she stared blankly at him, frozen right at the spot.

"Mogami-san?" Ren asked again, growing more worried by the second.

"Tsuruga-san! Good Morning!" Kyoko hurriedly replied, her shoulders relaxing and the whole atmosphere around her visibly changing. "I didn't expect to see you here this early. What brings you here to the Love Me Section?" she asked with a gentle smile laced with a bit of sadness.

Ren was so taken aback and bothered by her unusual behavior that any thoughts of killing off Setsu flew from his mind. He couldn't bring himself to kill her character especially now that he's noticed a change in her. Not an awkward change but a subtle change, but since he couldn't understand how the change could have happened between the ten seconds that they stood at the door, he was thoroughly bothered by it.

'_She looked as if her world was turning inside out. What could have happened to her?' _he thought. When he saw that Kyoko was looking at him, expecting a reply to her question, he quickly remembered that he couldn't possibly tell her that Setsu was going. Instead he said the first thing that came to his mind.

"I came to pick."

"Huh?" Kyoko answered quite bewildered.

"Setsu. Remember?" he supplied in a whisper making sure no was around to hear them. "Setsu has to come with me on set." Ren was disappointed in himself not only for giving such a lame excuse but also for tying his own noose. Not only did he keep Setsu alive but he also told Kyoko that Setsu should stick to him the whole time tonight on set. _'That was stupid of me! I should have just told her I was looking for Kotonami-san or something. But...' _he thought while he looked at Kyoko's perplexed expression as if she was trying to remember something. _'Her expression after she saw me was one of shock and then the next moment she looked relieved but sad at the same time. I can't possibly tell her something so mean after that. She even paused for a couple of seconds before she answered me. I'm really worried. I hope it's not about Fuwa again.'_

"Tsuruga-san! Tsuruga-san!" called Kyoko breaking Ren's train of thought. "I know that I should stick around Cain Heel but its only 10 in the morning." She said, giving Ren an amused look. "The shoot won't be until 6 in the evening. Plus, I have a shoot today."

Not only did he give a lame excuse but he also gave an illogical one. "Haha. I'm sorry Mogami-san!" Ren replied nervously. If Kyoko asked why he made the mistake, he didn't know what answer to give. "Well, now that the misunderstanding on my part is all cleared up, where did you say your shoot was? Maybe I can give you a ride as an apology for taking your time."

"Ah…uhm…"

Now it was Kyoko's turn to fidget and become nervous. _'I can't tell him that I'm shooting at TBM. If I do, he might follow me to the set and figure out that I'm Bo! No!'_ Kyoko thought nervously. "Ah! No need to worry Tsuruga-san! Even if I leave right now, I'll still get to the set on time with 40 minutes to spare. Unlike your schedule, mine is pretty free so there should be no reason for me to be late." She hurriedly told him with a smile.

'_She does seem to have a problem!' _thought Ren as he observed her nervous reaction. _'Well, I can always ask her later. I'll definitely find out what's wrong but right now I want her to concentrate on her shoot.'_

"If you say so Mogami-san." He said with a smile and he saw her visibly relax. "But at least let me walk you to the front hall." He offered as they walked out of the room.

"Ah! No. It's okay Tsuruga-san!" Kyoko flushed consciously affected by the concern that Ren was showing.

"No, Mogami-san. I insist." Ren said gently.

While the walked towards LME's reception hall, Kyoko sneaked a glance at Ren. Feeling so overwhelmed by roller coaster of emotions that this man had put her through she couldn't help but think how lucky it was that she can easily act normally around him. She then softly smiled to herself when she thought of the reasons why she fell in love with him. It was not just his looks that drew her to him. Behind the smiling gentleman, the incorrigible façade was a normal human, capable of feeling intense anger and also capable of genuinely caring for others.

"Well, thank you for the reminder Tsuruga-san." Kyoko said as she turned to face Ren with a deep bow. "I'll be seeing you later then." And she went off with a smile.

"Take care Mogami-san." He replied as he waved his hands in goodbye.

As she stepped out of the building Kyoko heaved a sigh of relief knowing that she can still act normally around Ren. Despite being in love with him, he was still her sempai and that title demanded a lot of respect and professionalism from her especially when they were playing the Heel siblings. The Heel Siblings…siblings…

Kyoko almost tripped over herself when she realized how difficult it was going to be when she had to act as the overly protective, obsessive and incestuously amorous little sister to Tsuruga Ren's Cain Heel. Little did she know that figuring out how to act like Setsu without being embarrassed was going to be the least of her problems.

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**Author's Notes:** I APOLOGIZE! I apologize if there wasn't a lot of progress in this chapter but I've always thought that Kyoko would react this way when she finds out that she has feelings for Ren. She would think that her feelings are just a burden for Ren and she would stay quiet about it…That's my defense…

Also, I won't be able to update for a while. I have been troubles registering for courses in my college and I have to get ready for Immunology, Microbiology and Ecology courses this semester so I apologize for the slight halt in the story's progress.

Special thanks to **Shiroyuki76** for pointing out my error in the second chapter. Hopefully, you won't stop reading the story….Please put your rants and complaints in the form of a review…thank you=)


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